Date: Sat, 13 Oct 2001 13:53:22 EDT

I know this is long; if you would please print, set down and take the TIME to read it. It's the best I could do of MY STORY! When you start reading, you will wonder how it ties into Silicone, but read on ... IT WILL; You'll see how it ruined my life! Took my Kids, my Job, my hopes and dreams. Much love to my Dear Loving, caring Silicone Sisters; Linda

I am writing to hopefully have my voice heard, concerning the dangers of Silicone/Saline Implant's. You see, I have first hand experience and would love to save another woman and family from this nightmare that I'm still living with. First, let me tell you a little about myself.

I am now 52 years

old. I am the baby of eleven children. Growing up, we rented a house where you could see the outside, through the cracks in the walls. In the winter we brushed snow off the foot of the beds and in the summer we watched the chickens and dogs through those same cracks, in the plank walls. We heated with coal and cooked with wood or oil. Our light came from oil lamps. We had running water. (We had to run and get it from the outside well) We have fun now, bragging about our running water. I recall being there the day the landlord sent Duke Power to wire our house. I'd lay and watch the man put the bulb's up into the ceilings, with the pull strings to turn them on and off, thinking we were really moving up in the world. A very small four room house with all us kids.

Yet you could eat off the floors though. Mother kept it so clean. We learned very early in life, that we would not be immune to work, of any kind. There was no such thing as being too sick to attend school. My father died in his sleep at the early age of 42. My mother could not work and raise all us kids in a public job. So she worked where she could take us with her. Farming! Oh boy! She had a job six days a week, with all of the area farmers. We didn't just tag along. We worked also, when we wasn't in school. I started working at the age of eight, like the rest of the kids did.

We walked wherever we had to go (including church) except school. When the school bus came that was like a limo ride to us. Even though we were poor, we were taught that we could do a lot to better ourselves but, we had to be the ones to do it. No one was going to do it for us. I remember moving only once as a child. We moved to a much better bigger house with actual wall switches to turn the lights on and off. We ran through the house clicking them things till we were told, every time we did that, it cost a penny. When we'd get mad at Mother for some stupid reason, w'd really work those switches then, to run her light bill up. Yes, we really moved up in the world again. We had a pump on the back porch and a well in the yard! Imagine we had both. Our most treasured was, we had a two-hole seat in our outside Johnny House, instead of the 'one hole' we left behind. When we worked in tobacco or gardens for the area farmers our hard earned money was given to Mother. She'd save it and take us to town (thumb a ride) where we would spend the whole day buying our school cloths. We got one hamburger and a movie before we ended our 'yearly one-day' summer event. Of course we were proud of our new school cloths that we had worked for and brought with our own money. I'm sure Mother was proud also.

I remember early days of planning what I would and would not do when I got grown. First I would graduate from school and get a good job. I planned that, the nights I'd lay in bed and hear my Mother crying over how she was going to pay the next light bill or buy enough groceries for us to eat. I look at her 87 year old face now and still see her standing at the end of our long driveway thumbing a ride to town, to buy groceries and pay bills. She'd have to stay there all day until the one that picked her up that morning, got off work at the end of the day, to drive her back home, on their way home from work. That was always 'us kids' day also. We got into everything we could. After all, we knew she was gone for the day. It wasn't like a car was going to pull up any minute and catch us. We'd have water fights, real fights, eat food she was saving, play in the rain, snow, just the things we knew we could not do, just the way we wanted to, when she was

there. We were not like kids of today. Sometimes they do not see their Mothers but for a few minutes at night. We took this 'one-day a month' as a lucky break for us. I don't believe she saw it as a lucky break or day off for her. I'm sure her mind and heart was right there with us, the whole day. I'm sure, wondering what we were up to.

Being the youngest of eleven, I saw three brothers leave for service and one for prison. One fought in Nam. She was proud of all four. I watched as sisters married and left home till it was down to one, me. She was proud of all seven girls. I've seen her heart ache over problems with each of us. Our troubles in life were her troubles. Our triumph's and victories were hers. 

When my teenage years arrived, I guess I was like the ordinary teenager even though I did not realize that at the time. I thought I was the only one that made the big mistake of getting pregnant at the age of seventeen. The one (only one) I was dating had a bad temper (I just didn't realize how bad at the time). His excuse was 'his parents' caused him to abuse me and if I'd still marry him, he would be happy to be away from his parents and change for me. I wanted my baby to have two parents and a loving home so we married. We had a wonderful son. Husband's temper got worse (or what ever type of illness he had) and I begged for him to get help.

Family values taught was; you marry and stick it out. I had another son, thinking that would help to pull us closer. But mainly; I wanted a nice big family, all boys would have been fine, because I was so proud of my first boy! After many hits upside the head, kicks, tearing up the whole house, wiped tables full of food all over my kitchen floors and walls, I knew the tears and I'm sorry that soon followed meant nothing but another bout, at any minute. I did not graduate, could not drive, didn't have a phone to call for help. When we did get a phone, I had to lie one night and send the sheriff away from my door, saying it wasn't me that called, or (in my husband's word's) I would never be able to use another phone. When the abuse was directed more and more to me 'and my Son's' I knew I had to do something. If not for me, but for my Boy's! They had began to stay as scared as I did, all the time. The oldest told me one day (after being beat) that if I didn't leave him... "Dad will eventually kill you Mama." I'll never forget the fear in those eye's. I assured him that in time, I would get us out but for him to know, that I would protect them as much as I could. I did. I'd step in and say something as nice as I could like.. You've punished him/them so don't start kicking and beating him/them in the face. He'd stop and turn on me, I took the rest of what ever he had to give, in his rage's.

To proud to go to a shelter to ask for free help, also knowing he'd find me. I knew when I made my break, it would have to be for good and no going back. I then decided if I'd leave, even if it wasn't for good, just showing him I would do it, might change him. Wrong! He promised Social Services he'd get help, would not abuse us any more, etc., etc. That promise lasted about two week's. So I then made up my mind I had to do it, this time on my own because, my family helped me the first time and LAST because, I fell for the promises and tears and went back. Didn't blame them though. They hardly got to see me when I lived with him.

I taught myself how to drive. He didn't have the patience's to teach me and did not want me driving anyway. I was beaten down so low. Told how stupid I was all the time. That made me more determined to show him I wasn't as stupid as he wanted me to be. I announced one day that I was going to get my GED and get a job at IBM! He backed me in a corner with each of his hands flat to the wall on each side of my head and screamed how stupid I was and that I could never get a GED or Job. Then he popped my head back and forth into the wall. I'm sure the landlord had to repair that spot when he rented the house again.

I got my GED (took two tries too get it). I cried all the way home the day the lady told me I had passed it. I also got my job at IBM! Boy was I proud of myself and happy for my Boy's. I knew when THAT DAY came I'd be able to give them a decent life and not have to depend on anyone but myself, to get them out of the hell we had lived in. I financed my own car at the IBM Credit Union. Still; during all this time, trying to make the marriage work. It got worse. Jealousness and abuse (including bedroom) was a living hell. I watched my boys at play one day, out my kitchen window, as I prepared supper. Their dad wasn't home yet and they were so happy at play, with the neighborhood kids. When their dad got home it all changed from piece and fun to embarrassment, shame and pain, when he approached them, to see if he could help them fix a paper airplane they had been playing with. Because my Son had a better idea for fixing it, than he did, it got stomped into the ground, the kids in the neighborhood took off home and my kids came in crying, frightened, and getting slapped on the back of the head, as they came in the door.

After supper I told my Boy's to get in the car. I told their dad I was going for a ride so he could cool off. (Me knowing; I was going to talk to the landlord, to see if I got him out, could me and my boy's stay) I came home with him begging once again and the "I'll never do it again's!" I stayed cool and just told him we went for a ride. The Boy's were so 'happy' because they knew then for sure, I was going to be able to finally get them out of the abuse. They didn't tell him where we had been.

The next day a girl at work played an April Fools Joke on me by leaving a phone number for me on my desk that I was supposed to call. Well, that JOKE was a God Send! It was a 'dial a prayer line.' But instead of hanging up...I listened. It was sort of in the line of.....If someone is demeaning and abusing you, this is not good in the eye's of the lord and you should not have to live in a world of someone running your life for you, and keeping you in their own little prison! No one owns you...You are your own free person. Set yourself and mind free from thinking like someone else wants you to think. I slowly hung up the phone and closed my office door and said "God if you will just give me enough strength to stand up to him this afternoon when I get home, not be afraid or not let him know if I am afraid, then I'll know you intend for me to end this hell my boy's and me have lived in."

That afternoon I ended it. I gave him a choice of him leaving or me and the boy's would leave but, he'd better not show his __ __ __ or he would go to jail. I was just as calm and so was he. That was only because he though I wasn't serious, convinced I could not make it without him. He went to his Mother's and the next day got his paper's telling him he could not return. Yes, it was hell when he realized I was serious and he was out for good. He did make me a promise the next day. A promise that he would get the boys. He said he would 'go to any extent' to get them, because he knew how much I loved them and it would put me in Butner (a mental hospital in Butner, NC) My only remark to that was, there's no way any Court would ever let you get these boys, after the way you have treated them. That was the least of my worries but you 'Remember This' as you read on!

I worked so hard for IBM and exceeded at every position I had. Was promoted pretty fast and landed the position that I had set for my Goals at IBM. Went from assembly to training all new employees. Then to inspector, to floor coordinator, to specialist in building computer's to procurement, where I had the best job anyone would want. Did not date anyone from IBM even though I had offers. Of course by this time my boys were told by their dad that I had run around with men at work and broke up seven home's. So 'no way' would I date anyone from there. I wanted to prove that lie wasn't so. I later met a man that worked for 'The City' (again not IBM)!

We married in May 1981. He's never hit me. I don't know how to act. I still to this day, think this isn't real. But thank God it is. For a long time I would go to the grocery store and catch myself rushing to get home. Half way home I would think; why am I rushing? My husband's not going to ask who I saw, what was said, or what took me so long. And oh yea; he's not going to start throwing groceries all around the kitchen.

Well, I had done it! I kept on keeping on till I got my kids and life straight and was so shocked and proud of myself! Life was great. Job was perfect. There was no stopping me now. If IBM called me on a Sat. or Sunday morning at 5:00 A.M. after working all week (sometimes overtime) to come in and bring the systems up, because of a failure, I was out of that bed and so happy to go. The last week I worked in manufacturing, before going to my new position, I worked 72 hours doing inventory. As you recall, we wasn't raised to be immune to work. We craved it. I guess the approval of others drove me also.

As you recall, I got beaten down for so long from my ex.

In December (after only seven months of marriage to my wonderful man) at the age of 32, I met Dow, Bristol-Myers, and SILICONE. I had fibroid cysts disease of the breast and a few tumors that were draining green liquid fluid from the nipples. My husband and I was told that this was the way the surgery was done and replacing the tissue with Silicone was how we would go about it. We were told that they were safe. I did ask if they would (I believe in my words "break") and we were told the only thing that MAY go wrong was if I was in an accident and one got punctured, it could be removed and replaced in no time. There had been no problems reported due to anyone getting them and also "when I got old" My Breast would still stick out, instead of flop, like they do with all women when they get old. The morning of the surgery the PS marked me on the bottom of each breast then he started marking my back. I ask him why was he marking my back. He said he would have to use the muscle from my back to move around, attach it to my rib cage and put the implants up under that muscle. A type of 'Tram Flap' Surgery. Me not knowing any better or different and trusting the PS, I just said "oh".

The surgery took 9-10 hours. I had to have 6 pints of blood during the surgery.

I was out of work almost two months. My left breast never looked right from the first day the bandages came off, but that didn't bother me that much. The first sign of trouble I noticed (not thinking of the implants) was when I had to take reports to another building at IBM, walking was causing my legs to get weaker by the day. Then I started getting sick to the stomach for no reason. Then came the headache's by 10:00 A.M. each morning. Got that checked, had high blood pressure. Every kind of medicine the Dr. tried would not bring it down. I was sent for kidney test and was told I had renal artery stenosis. Had a procedure done 3 times, to open the arteries as much as they could. Then the migraines started. On a July 4th, the family was having a cookout that I wasn't able to attend, because of legs being so weak. I was in my recliner with feet up resting. I dozed off to sleep and pain in my right shoulder, arm and hand set me up, right out of my sleep. I set there so scared because I didn't know what was happening to me. I'd look at the other hand on the arm of the chair and wonder if I moved it, would it hurt also? I tried moving one finger on the left hand and the pain was running all through me by this time. The next morning my left breast was hurting and burning some, but not enough for me to connect the two. I started getting so weak that I had to start missing work. As you Remember, we wasn't raised to miss an obligation. Raised to be proud of who we were.

So, I worked many days so very sick. Lots of days IBM had to send me home. I was getting scared because, you know when something is going on in your body. Only 'you' know how you usually feel and this wasn't me at all. Then I started waking at night, not being able to close my fingers. With my hands and feet sore and swelled I could not pick up a cup of coffee or walk till around 11:00 A.M. even getting up by 6:00 A.M. to start my day. I started working half days, trying so hard to hold on to the job I loved and was so proud of. My Mother and family was so proud that I had that job. She always bragged how good her kids turned out and was always telling about 'each of our jobs' to anyone that would listen.

The income we needed. The job security, I needed. The benefits I needed. This wonderful life, I worked so hard to attain...I needed! My Dr. put me out of work completely (no more half day's) to see if that would ease my suffering, thinking maybe it was stress. I continued to get worse daily and fast! Me and my husband would set up late at night, right in the middle of the bed....going...."WHAT in the world is going on with me"...? Looking at my hands and feet in disbelief. Then the stomach problems started to worsen. Had to take medicine for that. IB, Inflammatory bowel disease. We still wasn't thinking implants even though there had been a few things on the news about Silicone by this time. I had a sister that was home dying with colon cancer. She would watch some of what the women were saying on the talk shows, while I was still working and she would say "it's your implant's," those women are complaining about the same things you are and I would go...hog wash! She'd get so angry with me because I would ignore her about it. My hair started falling out by the hand full.

I had to go on disability. IBM did not approve me for theirs because they said "my condition was not one listed on their list of disease's" but they were nice to me, because they knew me well enough to know, I was very sick. No one knew what was wrong or what to call it. I did get SS disability. Lost all my benefits (medical and life) from IBM. I was a 'one performer' which is the highest rating you could get at IBM. Their Medical Dept. did not care what kind of employee I had been. That did not count anymore. Now still, I got my SS disability before we knew it was the silicone. Remember I told you, my ex told me he would get the boys no matter what he had to do?

During all of this time my ex was spending money like crazy on the boys. Brought them everything they wanted and then some. I could not go to most of their ball games. He put it into their heads that I wasn't there because I didn't want to be and didn't love them like he did. He convinced them he had changed. He worked their little minds. So he took advantage of a bad situation and they decided to go live with him. I fought it in court because, I knew he had not changed and would do to them, what he use to do, and worse, because I wasn't there to take any of the blows for them. I cried myself to sleep 'every night' worried sick about them.

The judge gave them to him with my plea's going unheard for him not to put them back in that situation again. The judge thought a boy needed his daddy! I was also ordered to pay child support. I was not found unfit. I was a good Mother to my babies, boys, and then teenager's. With their dad, they got abused for a year, bad! A neighbor turned my ex into Social Service's because he had seen my older son being choked by him, under the carport one day. The younger one got beat in the back with a weed eater! He beat my youngest son in the back one morning as he crawled down the hallway to his room because he wet the bed! They were returned to me after that year and the things they told me and the social worker, that they had been through would make your hair stand up on your head. They had not told me (when I saw them each time) because he told them, if they came back to me, or told me anything, that went on, while they were with him, he would kill himself. They said they felt bad over the way their daddy took them from me, because of my health and his lie's, so they didn't want to worry me, because they realized living with him and what they had gone through that year, that it had to have been hard for me to get away from him and they would lay awake at night and talk to each other planning a way out, without involving me, because...I had been put through enough. They had planned to escape one night, come to me in the middle of the night and get me to call a sheriff and social worked to come to my house so they could tell everything. Lucky for them, the neighbor reported it and Social Services went to get them, then she called me. So they didn't have to plan an escape after all.

One day I went to my MD and he said "I want your implants out ASAP." I said, "what if the PS will not agree with you and want to take them out?" He said "he'll take them out, your blood work is awful and there's something bad going on in your autoimmune system." I did not have any x-ray's during all this time. My breast still wasn't hurting enough, for me to think about that. When the PS went in to remove my implants, the 'outer shells' were not even there. Just raw silicone lying inside (spread) my chest cavity. My silicone was full of black spots which I though was black blood, but later found out was infection. I did stop getting worse daily within three days of what silicone, the PS could find and remove. Now I still have the muscle from around the back attached to my ribs in front, they have risen up under my armpits. I had the implants put in 1981, taken out 1992. My condition's listed did not get better, the harm already done was done! I now have (according to blood work, x-ray's, MD and Rhuematologist)

Scleroderma/Sarcoidosis/Lupus/Rhuematoid due to Silicone Implants! To sum it up. I went from rags to riches. Silicone sent me back to rags.

I told you a lot about myself in hopes you will see the impact Silicone has and can make in a woman's life. At my small age you read about, I can't be the kind of Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Career woman or Daughter (to a 87 year old Mother that has buried 3 kids, with another of my sister's on her death bed now) that I planned, at such an early age to be. Yea; I had it all and Silicone took it away! Don't let other women have to endure this. They may not all be as strong and determined as me. My strength is weakling and will is getting less. In thanking you for your time, I also want you to understand why I've revealed so much about myself. Do you see all the times I made it to the 'almost top' to just get kicked back down. I hope for you to see, this has had an impact on our lives, another untouched by SILICONE can never understand, unless ... they have lived it. It's not that we just got sick, so ... take medicine and get over it. It has ruined our lives in so many way's. Each story any woman can write I'm sure, will be different, to some extent but the 'SAME' in so so many other way's!

The maker's of Silicone/Saline/Other type of Implant's, and Doctor's of 'Tram Flaps' need to be made to tell the 'truth' up front. If they don't, I'd hate to see the problem's that will overflow Washington and the Courts in year's to come. Last...but not least, the Health Problem's and ruined lives will only go up in numbers. The companies don't care that I've lost so much. They don't care how much my 12 medicine's cost each month. They don't care that my husband also had to retire from his job early, due to a heart attack and we now live on as little as we can. They don't care that our 'now grown' children just starting out in life, may need to borrow $20.00 sometimes that we don't have. They don't care we can't save like lots of Grandparents can, to 'one day' help send our grandkids to college. They just get them sold, put into our bodies and once we are out the door it's...you're on your own. This Great Nation, that built itself on love for human life and pursuit of happiness can't stand by and not listen to us, while watching our lives and happiness be sucked out of us, for the almighty 'Large Companies' trying to earn a dollar, instead of respect for life and good health. Or.....CAN IT?

This problem is real and has to be stopped by the people we put in Washington and the people Washington puts in the FDA to look out for us. I look at my beautiful granddaughter's now and wonder.....will there be bill boards by the time they are seventeen, advertising Breast Implants along the highway's?

I hope this will help all the women 'not yet touched' by IMPLANT'S.

May this help save them.

"If Silicone was Water" would they Drink it?

God Bless America & You!